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It finally hit me. I’d never had a chance to grieve for my family. I’d had to jump straight in, arrange the funerals, deal with the insurance, and try to save the company. Plus, I never had anyone to grieve with. Every one close to me was gone. Kim acted sympathetic, but I could sense she never really gave a rat’s butt about it.Now, twenty months later I sat here, surrounded by families I’d known since childhood, the friends I’d made here, the friends my parents had made. Plus I now had Carrie and Sarah. It hit me like a physical blow. I was with family now, and I could let my grief go.So I broke down and cried like a baby, for my parents who never got to enjoy their golden years, for my brother and his wife who would never know the joy of raising a family, and finally, for my niece, a poor child who never got a chance to experience life. I cried for me, for the hole it had left in my life, that had been unfilled until now. The tears washed away most of my burden, and for the first. He has left his mark on me for the last time. “I’ll do anything,” he says. Tell me what do you want me to do?” He sounds like a child, asking for guidance. Control relinquished, he prepares to accept my judgement. “Just go,” my mind was already made up the moment I saw her callous, cruel beauty staring up at me from the screen. “Go and find her. Let her fuck your pain away.” He backs away like a hunter retreating from a wounded, crazed animal that he has stumbled upon, “you just need some time by yourself. Before you do anything, just sleep and we’ll talk in the morning.” I sit on the edge of the bed and watch him diminish, “yeah right, we’ll talk in the morning.” His footsteps creep down the stairs and I hear the click as the front door closes. Less than a minute later a vehicle peels out of the barn behind the house. I guess you were right, Father. All this time I needed a man to define me. Even though we were apart, I was able to survive knowing that I was his possession. But that.
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